Can't Wait to Watch the News!

I sure hope nothing happened in the world today. Well, I guess it wouldn't matter anyway. Paris is out of jail, so I'll be glued to the TV all night long! I hope they got her first words. And I hope they interview Inmate #37748 who might have made eye contact with Ms. Hilton one day as she walked by her cell. And there have got to be starving kids in other countries who have an opinion on this American travesty of justice. Oh, I can't wait! And please, please, please let Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace devote their ENTIRE shows to their unique, in-depth journalistic abilities at saying absolutely nothing intelligent for 30 minutes at a time. I can't wait for Nancy to ask the prison matron if she saw Paris' naked butt and if it had any marking on it. Yes, I love it when "Nancy Grace investigates!"

Then again, maybe I'll read a good book.

No News Is News - AGAIN!

MSN and the Associated Press are reporting that "Rosie Says She Won't Replace Bob Barker".

How is this news?

Supposedly she was being considered as the new host of The Price is Right. But CBS wanted her to relocate to Los Angeles. She and her "partner" and four adopted children didn't want to move, and, as Rosie reports, she doesn't need the money.

How is this news?

First of all, what was CBS thinking? Rosie as the host of one of the most popular, longest running game shows on television? How many failures will Rosie be given before the powers that be realize America HATES her? Replacing the charming, personable, popular Bob Barker with a fat, loud-mouthed, irritating lesbian would be the biggest mistake the network could make. Thank goodness for them than they could not get Rosie to relocate. This has helped save them from their idiotic selves!

But again, how is this news? Rosie probably isn't going to fly on the next space shuttle mission. Is that news? I'll bet she isn't going to run for president. Is that the AP's next headline?

I'm continually amazed and discouraged by how low America's news media has sunk.

But more on that later...Paris is out of jail and I've got to get ready to watch the CNN interview!

The Terrorists Have Won

This is Monica Emmerson and her 19-month-old son. They tried to get on an airplane June 11th at Washington's Reagan National Airport. There was a little bit of water in the boy's sippy cup. Because of that, the TSA managed to completely screw up their day - all in the name of national security and protecting us from nasty terrorists who want to maim and kill innocent Americans.

If we weren't living in a new police state, someone should have stepped in and put a stop to the TSA Nazis. But we have decided we're willing to give up most of our freedoms and allow these government goons to degrade anyone they want to - all in the name of protecting us from our enemies.

It's crap and has got to stop. What happened to this woman is a crime that plays itself out dozens of times a day every day all across America. Enough is enough! The best part? Monica Emmerson is a former Secret Service agent! She is more of a patriot, more dedicated to America's ideals and just flat our more of an American than anyone working as for the TSA at Reagan National Airport.

Read a complete, frightening account of what happened here.

Then get outraged and demand this insanity stops!

Local TV Stupidity

I'm watching the local news. It's as amateur as you can imagine...no, actually worse. Ten-year-old kids couldn't do a worse job of missing cues, dead air, dead mics and flubbed lines. I'm convinced their audio engineer is deaf. But the ads on the station are even worse.

In the last break there was a spot for a law firm. It featured some old guy in a shiny suit so pumped with botox that he looked like he was going to explode. He was telling us about his great news...the law firm just bought a toll-free number that is so easy to remember you won't ever have to go to the phone book again to look up their number. Wow! Now THAT'S a competitive advantage, right? I took note of the name of the law firm, because I was very interested in seeing what this phenomenally easy-to-remember number was going to be. It was the Crawford Law Firm. (Of course the commercial didn't say a thing about what kind of law they practice or why you might ever actually need to call them, but I guess they were so excited about their news that it didn't matter.)

OK, the Crawford Law Firm. Their new toll-free number: 1-866-CALL-BRAD WHAT?

Who the hell is Brad? Is this guy Brad Crawford? I have no idea! And aren't phone numbers seven digits? CALL-BRAD is eight. And was it 866, or 888 or 800? I really can't remember.

Typical talking-to-myself advertising. Stupid.

But I think the best part was what came next. After this man just finished bashing the need for the Yellow Pages now that he has this new, magical phone number - the next commercial on the station was for, yep, the local Yellow Pages directory!

Priceless!

I Speak with a Midland Accent

I just took an interesting quiz. It purports to tell you with what kind of accent you speak. In my case, the result was right on!

What American accent do you have? Midland "Midland" is not necessarily the same thing as "Midwest". The default American accent that newscasters try to imitate. Since it's a neutral accent, because you have a Midland accent doesn't mean you're from the Midland.

I'm not quite sure where I got it. I learned to speak in Michigan, but my father is from New Jersey and my mother Mississippi. I guess they kind of canceled out and I became rather accentless.

Interesting little quiz. Try it yourself...click here.

Putting Islam Into Proper Perspective

I came across this video clip on Digg. It is actually posted on Google Video. It is a 5:28 segment from Al Jazeera TV on February 21, 2006 featuring an incredibly passionate and intelligent speech by an Arab-American psychologist named Wafa Sultan.

Even through she is speaking a foreign language to me, I have never "heard" a more succinct and rational explanation of what is going on in the Muslim world today. Basically she explains that the conflicts we see are not based upon religion or culture, but a huge gap in civilization. An ignorant Middle Ages mentality vs. a modern, technological one. Most importantly she criticizes the tactics of the Muslim extremists as destined to fail.

Brilliant. Please watch.

Fantastic First Sentence of a News Story

I was just perusing the Internet and landed on one of my favorite sites, Fark.com. For the news of the day on June 11, 2007 it included a link to a story in The Independent Florida Alligator. I have no idea what this is. Some sort of newspaper I suppose. Their tagline is: We Inform. You Decide. OK. Not bad.

This particular story is written by Jennifer Bingaman, who is an Alligator Contributing Writer. Nice title! The headline of the story is pretty interesting in and of itself: Big snakes make kids giggle.

But that's nothing compared to the opening sentence:

Her husband's ashes, which she wears in a blue container on a gold chain around her neck, remind Jean Howard of how she came to love snakes.

Wow...could be the opening of a fantastic novel! I'll definitely go see the movie!

United Airlines - Always an Adventure

I'm sitting in O'Hare Airport in Chicago. I'm at one of those laptop stations they have in the terminal with barely enough room to actually place the computer on the shelf, and the absolutely hardest stool upon which I have ever placed my big bottom. The sun in beating down mercilessly over my right shoulder, making it all but impossible to see my laptop's screen. No, I'm not very comfortable right now. And it's all United Airlines' fault!

I was supposed to get on a plane last night from O'Hare to Washington-Dulles. It was the last flight of the night - around 9:10 p.m. - and I was in the gate in plenty of time to catch it. However, about 30 minutes before departure the gate rep got on the PA and simply announced, "I'm sorry but the flight to Dulles has been canceled. I don't have any further information. I suggest you go to the Customer Service Center for rebooking."

So I and everyone else in the gate grabbed our stuff and started the walk to the Service Center.

I was the 30th person in line. Yes, I counted. They had two agents working, although there were spaces for at least eight or nine. The line did not move. After about 45 minutes, miraculously two more agents showed up and started helping people. It still took another 30 minutes before I got my turn.

The gentleman agent who proudly wore a "Shop Steward" button on his tie, informed me the only flight I could get on was at 3:55 the following afternoon. HUH? What about all the morning flights? Booked. He offered to fly me in to Baltimore or Reagan National, but those were hardly appealing alternatives. It's not like these three airports are next door to one another! So I got a new boarding pass and a voucher for a room at the nearby Holiday Inn.

I had to ask the hotel for a toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shaving cream and comb. Fortunately they have a nice little card in the bathroom offering these items to wayward travelers like myself. I got to bed around 12:30 and set the alarm for 7:00. I wanted to get up and check flights before actually heading back to the airport. When I did, they were all full, except for one leaving at 1:15. Worth a try, I thought. So I got up, showered, got dressed and caught the shuttle back to O'Hare.

I got back in the Customer Service Center line. There were only ten people ahead of me this time, and still only two reps working. Still, it went a little quicker than the night before. I explained my situation and the agent was actually very helpful. She got me on standby for the 1:15 flight and confirmed on the 3:55 one. She tracked my bag for me and confirmed that it arrived at Dulles around 10:00 a.m. Then something happened that is pretty annoying.

I asked her why the flight from the night before was canceled. She said she didn't know and would look it up. "Maintenance problem." And as quick as that she printed out and handed me a $100 voucher good for a future flight. Hmmm. So if I hadn't asked why the flight was canceled, she would have just let me walk away to wait another six hours in the airport. But because I asked, I got a $100 voucher? That's just stupid!

Now, you might say United is just being frugal. Why give out $100 tickets if they don't have to, right? But the situation is this:

After last night my attitude toward United was to avoid them at all costs! Fly any other airline no matter how inconvenient or even more costly. But because they gave me the voucher, I will fly United at least one more time...and since there's no such thing as a $100 ticket, I'll spend money with them. Plus I'll admit I'm a bit more forgiving that a plane had a mechanical problem. What I'm NOT forgiving about is that they didn't automatically offer this voucher in the first place!

It's stupid, greedy and poor marketing to behave this way. But United is huge and doesn't care. We are just product that needs to be moved from one location to another. Satisfaction is irrelevant, because we don't have nearly the choices we should as alternatives.

So, I'll get home 19 hours later than expected. I missed a day of work. And my butt is really, really sore from this stupid stool. I hate you, United!

Open Letter to KNBC's Robert Kovacik

Dear Mr. Kovacik:

You are presently the national media's sorriest excuse for a "journalist." I'm sure you will be replaced soon because there are so many viable candidates working in your field today. But at this moment, you get the award for being the lamest example in the country.

You got all dressed up the other day to join the hundreds of other bottom-feeders to try and get a glimpse of Paris Hilton being hauled back to jail. Like the rest of your colleagues, you crowded the police car carrying Ms. Hilton and would not heed the officer's demand that you get out of the way. Nice touch, by the way, when you saw Kathy Hilton and asked her with all the sincerity you could muster, "How are YOU doing?"

But what wins you the award is how, with the cameras rolling, you managed to throw yourself ever so slightly onto the front of the police car's front fender and feign that you have been "struck" by the vehicle. Did you watch the video that ran on MSNBC? Did you see your incredibly poor acting? I sure hope you aren't planning a career as a stunt man in the movies. Your abilities are laughingly pathetic!

What makes this whole incident even more tragic, is how you then turned the whole non-story of Paris Hilton into an even less important non-story about YOU! "They hit me! The police car hit me!" Forget Paris! I love how you picked up a small piece of plastic that broke off your microphone when you took your little swan dive and use it as evidence of how close to death you just came! What a sad, pathetic attention whore you are, Mr. Kovacik! When did you give up on being a legitimate newsman?

And the topper? Apparently you complained so long and loudly that another policeman came over to you to ask if you need an ambulance! I'm very surprised you refused. After all, you probably got some sort of scrape or bump. I'm sure your suit got some dirt on it. You missed a wonderful opportunity for more air time as the cameras follow you to the hospital and you continue to report on the aftermath of the callous attack by the Los Angeles Police Department on a poor, innocent reporter who was only trying to do his job.

Paris bawling in the back of the squad car has nothing on you, Mr. Kovacik. You're the master!

How Can This Happen?

The photo says it all, but if you want to, you can read the article on The Daily Telegraph's website.

150 Silicon Valley CEOs in the audience. You've got to believe each and every one had a hard time listening to what Ms. Clinton was saying - even if she did call herself "the high-technology presidential candidate."

She should have insisted someone hang a backdrop. Somehow cover that up. Otherwise, well, you get a picture that makes you look like an total moron plastered across the Internet, right?

Sad. And as for Applied Materials - I'm sure glad I'm not in the market for whatever it is you sell!