Saturday, May 31, 2008

Scot McClellan Not Fooling Me

For the past couple of days it's been impossible to watch any television news program without seeing the face of Scott McClellan hawking his new book, What Happened, about the Bush administration. The liberal media seems to be appreciative of yet another insider bashing the establishment, while everyone on the right is vilifying him as the spawn of Satan.

Now, I admit I haven't read the book and I usually take umbrage with people who criticize things like video games, books, television shows and movies without actually having seen them. But I have watched several interviews, including the extended one with Keith Olbermann on his MSNBC Countdown program. At least I've had the opportunity to hear Scott McClellan talk at great length about his work in his own words.

I don't see this as a revealing expose of the liars in the Bush administration. I see it as someone who knows he did wrong and is scared shitless he's going to have to pay for his crimes. It's so transparent, I don't know why I haven't heard this critique elsewhere. The Washington Post even talks about the book as McClellan "looking back on the most painful time of his life." Poor Scotty! Read the article for yourself here.

The first thing the next president of this country MUST do is hold all of the criminals who have run this country for the last eight years accountable for their actions. Each and every one should be prosecuted for treason and the murder of over 4000 brave American soldiers. McClellan is smack dab in the middle of the group with Rumsfeld, Libby, Cheney, Bush, Rice, Rove and all the rest.

The book is his attempt to deflect the blame that is due him. "I didn't want to do it! They made me lie. I asked them if they were telling the truth!" Bull! He knew what was going on and for almost three years was just as much a part of crafting the deceptions that came out of the White House as anyone else in the administration. He knows they are going to have to pay for what they did. He's just hoping this "confession" and its protestations of innocence will get him off the hook.

I don't think a judge or jury will buy it. I hope they don't.

The timing of the book is also much more than a coincidence. If he had waited until the next president takes office - which is what he would have done if he cared about anyone but himself - then it wouldn't have the same impact. America is so eager to move on and put the evils of the past eight years behind us, that we're not going to want to spend a lot of time looking back other than to correct all the screws ups that have been heaped upon us. McClellan's book would be just another in the heap of criticisms of the Bush years and wouldn't get nearly the notice that's coming now. Everyone is going to write a book claiming he or she isn't responsible anyway - especially if McClellan's transparently deceptive ploy works.

Also, by coming out with the book now, when Bush-bashing is reaching its peak, he stands to make more money. His non-stop appearances on every accommodating media outlet is proof to me that profit, much more so than any false attempt to clear his conscience, is at the heart of this sham. McClellan is going to need the money. Not only is it unlikely he will ever get another job as long as he lives, but he's going to need to hire some outstanding lawyers just to keep himself out of jail.

I hope it all fails. I hope he ends up doing hard time with all of the traitors and murderers who have led this country into its sorry economic and political state. McClellan might be fooling all those talk show hosts who want to interview him, but he's not fooling me. McClellan was the leading liar to the American public for three miserable years and his wimpy claims of being deceived by everyone he worked with and for is just sad - and shameless. He deserves to be in a federal prison and I hope he gets to share a cell with his beloved boss.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Incredible Jeopardy Buzz

I'm a huge Jeopardy fan. I guess I'm not alone, but certainly among the people I associate with at work, I am oddly unique. They couldn't care less. So the fact that a soft-spoken graduate student from the University of California at Berkley has got the Jeopardy world buzzing is quite exciting to me!

Her name is Larissa Kelly. She's won four games, has earned over $140,000 and is now the top-winning woman in the history of the show. People are already referring to her as the next Ken Jennings, who won an incredible 74 contests. Yes, she does have a way to go.

Amazingly, both her sister and husband have appeared on the show. Neither won. Ironically her husband, Jeff Hoppes, competed against Jennings during his amazing run of victories.

I missed the show on Friday, so thank goodness there is a vast network of Jeopardy fanatics on the Internet who blog and report about the show. In fact, there is something called the j-archive where they actually log the answers given by each contestant, chart their money and show what the recommended wager should have been based upon the situation. At first I thought this is really going a bit far...people with way too much time on their hands. But I found myself strangely attracted to it and analyzing a few shows. Scary. But thanks to these kinds of obsessive fans, I was able to immediately learn that Kelly won yet again and will be back on Monday. I'll be watching.

On a side note, these shows were taped back in February. I guess they do a good job of keeping the results a secret until the shows actually air. That only makes sense. Still, there are people out there who know how well Kelly ultimately did on the show. Or for that matter that she is sill winning and still taping new shows. Kind of bugs me. Sort of like when you can't watch the Super Bowl or last game of the Word Series and then tape it. You know the world knows the outcome, but you don't.

Anyway, I hope Larissa Kelly does extremely well and is on the show for a long time. She is so much fun to watch with her slight Boston accent, meek, quite voice - and incredible confidence when it comes to daily doubles and final wagers. Good luck!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Quiznos Marketers are Paranoid Morons

The world of advertising continually amazes me with how many morons work in the industry - and how the lawyers dominate everything they do. Case in point - the new campaign from Quiznos in which people eat a five dollar bill. They are trying to make the point (I think) that Quiznos sandwiches are inexpensive and you'd be better off spending the money on something to eat. Kind of obvious, but like I said, they're morons.

The commercials are well done, if the concept is a bit lame. What amazes me is why they feel the compulsion that ALL advertisers feel to put up a cautionary disclaimer, "Dramatization. Do not attempt."

What in the word are they afraid of? That someone out there will watch this commercial and think, "Oh, it's OK to eat money. I think I'll give it a try." And then sue Quiznos for recommending it? Is there any judge in the world that would even allow this case to be heard? Of course, as I write this, I'm realizing that the same mentality of the lawyers that require this super be placed on the spot would result in some of them taking the case and trying to suck a few million dollars out of Quiznos.

It just all seems so stupid to me. Like all of the pharmaceutical ads the ALWAYS include, "See our ad in...." and then whatever magazine they feel is most suitable. Just covering their butts, right? Maybe. But it's the work of morons trying to protect themselves from even stupider morons.

Do not attempt. Gosh, and just when I was really wanting to put a filthy five dollar bill in my mouth!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Six Flag Marketers are Morons - and Racists

The Six Flags theme parks don't have a clue how to market themselves to the American public. Remember the odd, old guy who did the weird dance a few years ago? A lot of people talked about it, but nobody said anything positive. Perhaps the morons in the Six Flags marketing department subscribe to the philosophy that any publicity is good publicity - even if it's horrible. I totally disagree.

Well now they have a series of commercials on the air in which someone does something not very fun (playing with hand puppets, shining a light on the wall to tease your cat, etc.). There is a graphic of six flags called a "fun-o-meter" at the bottom of the screen. Several of them are posted on YouTube. Take a look if you haven't seen them.

Then the disembodied head of an Asian guy appears in a pop-up circle and yells, "One flag!"

Cut to people riding roller coasters at a Six Flags park. After a moment the Asian head appears again and yells, "More flags. More fun. Six Flags!"

Of course he does this is a horrible, stereotypical accent reminiscent of the old Charlie Chan movies in which a white guy in comical makeup talks in broken Engrish. ("Ah so, number one son...")Why would anyone at Six Flags think this is a good way to advertise their parks? How could anyone actually listen to a presentation of this concept and then go so far as to approve it? Did someone from the agency adopt a phony Japanese accent and yell "More flags!"? Did people smile and say, "yeah, I like that...good job!"? And once they saw the finished spot, why wouldn't a single brain cell fire in anyone's head when it was so obvious that this is just horrible, racist crap?

Oh wait, I forgot. The idiots in the marketing department at Six Flags think any publicity is good publicity. Even if people think you are evil and stupid, Even if people roll their eyes when they talk about your rotten commercial. The problem is, people will go to Six Flags in droves this summer. The parks are incredibly popular. The morons at Six Flags will think it has something to do with their marvelously creative and cutting edge advertising campaign. But it won't. Most people won't even see it or ever know about it. And people don't care enough about things like this to actually boycott the park. Go ahead and pat yourselves on the backs, Six Flags marketers. You're clueless anyway, so tell yourselves lies.

Six Flags...More Dumb!

Poor Choice of Words

I don't watch America's Next Top Model. The few clips I've see of the program are painful enough to watch. I can't image what it would be like to try and watch an entire episode - or season. Bored, I was watching the E! television network - and of course, coverage of the season finale of the show was very prominent.

A very attractive girl named Whitney has won! She is 20 years old, from Atlantic Beach, Florida and a big deal has been made about her being the first plus size model to win the competition. (You mean it's been on long enough for there to be other winners?) She's 5' 10" tall and a size 8-10. I understand that past winners are more like a size 2.

As part of her winning, I guess she's going to be on the cover of an upcoming Seventeen Magazine. On E! they interviewed a woman named Ann Shocket, who is apparently well-known in the industry and is a senior editor with the publication. She's sitting in the lobby of the magazine's headquarters and actually says:

Whitney is going to have a HUGE (long pause) career!

Could she have chosen a more inappropriate word? All I could do is chuckle and shake my head.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Why You Must NOT Vote for McCain

I received something very interesting in the mail today. It was addressed to me - not just "occupant" or something impersonal like that. It was from John McCain and the Republican National Committee. Inside the envelope was a letter their Victory 2008 Critical Issues Survey.

The letter was a bit disturbing because it referenced "Republicans like me." I am not now and have never been a Republican. I have never voted for a Republican presidential candidate nor have I ever registered as a Republican. So either the Republican National Committee has some serious database problems - or more likely, they are devious swine who are trying to persuade people precisely through deceptions like these. Once I took a look at the survey, I knew my latter assumption was correct!

First of all, one of the "instructions" on the survey is to enclose your most generous gift to ensure the success of the Victory 2008 Survey Project. Yeah, right!

The survey starts off innocuous enough. It asks some pretty lame, obvious questions about the economy, taxes and the federal deficit. I mean, who doesn't want more jobs, lower taxes, reduced federal spending and the elimination of special interests?

Section II gets scary though. The wording of the questions is so blatantly biased that after I chuckled, I realized the Republican Party is just as corrupt as ever - and truly has no concern for the American people that they profess to want to serve.

For example, here are the questions listed under National Security:
  1. Should the first foreign policy priority of the next President be winning the war against radical Islamic extremists?
  2. Should America surrender to Iraq regardless of the consequences in the Middle East?
  3. Do you agree with Democrats who believe national defense spending should be slashed in order to fund domestic programs?
  4. Do you support giving our law enforcement agents the tools they need to monitor terrorist communications?
  5. Do you believe we should set a public date for withdrawing from Iraq even if it undermines our troops in the field?
Look at the words used! "The war against radical Islamic extremists" - what "war?" "Surrender to Iraq?" - surrender??? "Undermines our troops?" What blatant propaganda! I have to believe only an ignorant, dumb ass Republican wouldn't see through this for the manipulation it is! Joseph Goebbels would be proud.

The rest of the survey is just as bad and reads like a laundry list of disastrous Bush policies, putting a twisted spin on each one so that it sounds even remotely worthwhile.

Some more examples:
  1. Should we appoint judges who will interpret the law instead of liberal activists who will make new laws from the bench? (What the hell?)
  2. Do you think we should work to give parent with children trapped in failing schools more choices to help their children have a better future? ("Trapped" in failing schools? Naw, we should just abandon kids to crime, poverty and ignorance.)
  3. Do you believe it is critical that our candidates stand behind a hard-charging conservative message of smaller government, lower taxes, new jobs and a strong national defense? (Why not just change the laws and try to re-elect Bush for eight more years?)
  4. Are you concerned about the vast sums of campaign funds being stockpiled by the Democrats and their liberal allies? (Give me a break!)
Every Republican should be kicking him- or herself anyway for voting for Bush. If they make the same mistake this time around and vote to maintain the status quo, the kick should turn into self-inflicted waterboarding. This is why it is imperative that McCain not even come close to the White House. Everything that the Republicans have done to destroy this country in the past eight years will just continue. Don't do it! Don't support McCain. Let the Republicans know they had their chance and completely blew it.

And to the Democrats who got elected on a platform of change - get off your asses and do what you promised the American public you were going to do! NOW!

Personally, I hope we see a Gore/Obama ticket this fall. And not a Republican in sight!